Dear Mama...

Today is my mom's B-Day, so I dedicate this post to her.

When I was younger, I swore I was adopted. I just knew I had to be because I didn't feel I looked like anybody in my family, and especially because my mom and I used to go at it. I was the only girl of 4 children, and perhaps that's what created the friction between the two of us. (Although I've heard many women say they went through a difficult time with their mothers when they were teenagers as well, so perhaps it had nothing to do with me being the only girl.) I felt my mother liked my brothers more than me, and she probably felt I was too much of a Daddy's girl. So there was a period of about 4 years in high school when my mom and I could have gotten along better. Now, don't get me wrong, our relationship was civil, but we both desperately wanted to be closer to each other like mothers and daughers should be. I just felt she couldn't relate to me, and the feelings were probably mutual on her part.

As children there are several stages we go through with regards to how we view our parents. First we think our parents are superstars and can do no wrong. But as we grow older and start to form our own identities, we start to notice the flaws in them. By the time we get to be teennagers, we are just at a loss for words as to why our parents do a majority of the things they do. I felt my parents were old enough to know better than to do certain things they would do, and a lot of times I was disappointed when they would do those things. Somewhere in your 20s, you start to see your parents in a more sensitive light. We start to understand why they may have made the decisions they made when they were younger that shaped them to be who they are today. Due to certain struggles that women tend to face together, like mensturation, finding suitable mates, having children, etc, my mom and I are now closer than ever. The more time I spend with her, the more I understand and appreciate the fact that she's just a human being. She's not perfect, nobody is. She has the same insecurities I have. I'm sure she had dreams as well as I have dreams now that I want to fulfill.

My love tells me I'm so much like my mother, and before I used to deny it or wonder why he would say such a thing. But as I get older and especially with the birth of my lovelies, I can now start to see what he means. Not only are we starting to look more and more alike, but we have so much in common now than we ever did. We even discuss men, marriage, and money. My mom goes through the same issues with my Dad that I go through with my love, and she's able to advise me based on that. I spent the whole day with her today and found myself just reveling in her knowledge. Who would have thunk she had a life of her own before she met my Dad and had children? I guess children don't really view their parents as anything else other than parents. Before she was ever my mother, she was a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a wife, a teacher, a student, etc. All I ever used to see her as was just my mother, but she's so much more. Her humanity simply amazes me, and I love it.

Happy B-Day Mom!!! Many happy returns!!!

A Mother's Love Determines How

A mother's love determines how

We love ourselves and others.

There is no sky we'll ever see

Not lit by that first love.
Stripped of love, the universe

Would drive us mad with pain;

But we are born into a world

That greets our cries with joy.
How much I owe you for the kiss

That told me who I was!

The greatest gift--a love of life--

Lay laughing in your eyes.
Because of you my world still has

The soft grace of your smile;

And every wind of fortune bears

The scent of your caress.

By Turlough O'Carolan