Charisma 101

Breaking down the "It Factor" Mystique


I was watching a show on TV yesterday when somebody asked the ever-present question in my mind lately..."What is that IT Factor that makes some people stars and the rest gazers?" I found it interesting that the answer that was given was "Charisma". Charisma!?!! What is this Charisma? Is it just another obscure concept like the "It Factor?" I brushed it off for a second as just another convenient, generic answer, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized there could be some validity to Charisma being the "IT Factor" for some people. It's no wonder the world is celebrity crazy. After all, celebrities are notoriously charismatic, hence the reason they're celebrities to begin with. If you can remember, Charisma was the culprit when Kerry was robbed of the Presidency. It perhaps also has something to do with world falling in line anytime Diddy decides he needs a name change. And have you noticed that no matter how much we try, we can't put our fingers on exactly what it is Paris Hilton does for a living, but her bank account keeps getting bigger and bigger. It’s CHARISMA!!! Charisma is a personal appeal that attracts others to you. It's the ability to charm or influence people, while making people feel like they are willing participants. Charisma is the ability to make even the lowest person on the totem pole feel like they're the greatest thing since slice bread. The truth of the matter is all personal will is lost in the presence of a charismatic person. We become their puppets, willing to play along with their hearts’ desires. We follow them blindly, even against our better judgments under normal circumstances. Charisma! It's the reason Oprah talked her way to Billions of Dollars. These people are particularly smarter than your and I, nor are they better looking, but they all have Charisma. So for those of us that weren’t born with the charismatic genes, are we automatically out of the game? Should we save ourselves the heartache and future psychiatric visits for failure to live up to the standards of our evil charismatic counterparts, and just accept defeat? I beg to differ.

There is a concept called “fake it till you make it”. Since they haven't gotten around to bottling charisma yet, I suggest we all fake the funk until it becomes us. It may seem unnatural at first, but actions performed over a long period of time eventually becomes a part of you. So from studying these selfish, evil-doers who are out to claim all the benefits of the world for themselves and continue to get richer, while we look at them with admiration, here are some of the principles I believe are important in order that we too may become charismatic.

• Be Friendly. This may be the hardest principle to conquer, but the one thing that the world needs more of is friendly people. Friendly people have a way of making peoples days. It’s hard because a lot of time we would rather not be bothered, but giving an extra smile to a stranger and doing your best to remember to wish people happy birthday will get you a long way. I have this one friend who would literally go out of her way to do things for me. My love and I are always skeptical of her, like what is her M.O? But because she’s so friendly, I would do anything and everything she asks of me, just because I know she would do the same for me.
• Be a good storyteller. At first I was going to put be funny, but there are lots of charismatic people that aren’t particularly funny people. People just happen to laugh at their jokes because like I said, they fall prey to their charm. Oprah for example isn’t really funny, but her audience members eat up everything she dishes out. She is, however, a good story teller. People like to laugh and be entertained. So being a person that’s comfortable telling stories is a great thing. Besides it’s always the person telling the story that the group’s attention is focused on. If they are good, they intrigue people and people want to get to know them better and even be their friends. Why? Because they know they will always be entertained. This one friend of mine is such a good story teller that he had me falling down on the street laughing one day. Come to think of it, what he said wasn’t all that funny, but it was his delivery that was great.
• Be Outgoing. It’s hard to be charismatic when you’re by yourself. In order to be charismatic, you have to surround yourself with people and be the fun one. After all, who wants to hang out with someone who’s just as boring as they are? Everybody wants that friend that’s the life of the party, and the one that’s always pushing them to do things they wouldn’t normally do. Force yourself to be the outgoing one in your group, and you’ll notice that all of a sudden people want to start hanging out with you and calling to see what you’re doing on the weekends.
• Be Charming. I suppose charming is almost like a synonym for charismatic, but whatever charming means to you…be that. Men are usually good at being charming, since they’d been practicing the art since they were little boys. They have to be charming in order to get women, so for the most part, it usually comes natural to them, especially when talking to women. Donald Trump is not good looking, but her gets the best looking females because of his charm. He makes women feel like they’d be missing out if they weren’t with him, and voila....like taking candy from a baby. Jay-Z is another one who’s a great charmer. Of course these women flocking to them could be as a result of their mega-millions, but you get the point. Being charming just means being pleasant to be around.
• Be Open. There’s nothing I love more than an open person. People feel they can relate to you and connect with you when you’re open and vulnerable. We all have insecurities as people, and it is these insecurities that keep us from nurturing each other and relating to one another. Being open makes people feel like they can let their guards down around. We all need to take a break from playing the game sometimes. The façade wears on our soul and makes us so guarded, but it’s a breath of fresh air, when we can just chill and take the masks off. People will feel like they can go to you for advice about what’s going on in their lives without being judged or condemned. Think Oprah and Kelly Rippa. The reason they’re so loved is because they’re so open. We’ve seen and heard Oprah cry about being Raped and fat. You can’t get much more open than that.
• Be Beautiful. Why?...Hey, why not? You’ll get further being beautiful than if you aren’t. I personally have this one down, so I’ll devote my time to working on the rest. (I can feel all the eyes rolling, but don’t hate…: ))

So my dears…I think we’re well on our way with getting our charisma on, and consequently flying our “It Factor” flag high. Good luck as you continue your search of the fabulous life you deserve.

Some books to reference on charisma are:
1. Charisma: Seven Keys to Developing the Magnetism that Leads to Success by Tony Alessandra
2. The New Secrets of Charisma : How to Discover and Unleash your Hidden Powers by Doe Lang
3. Charisma: How to Get That Special Magic by Marcia Grad